Burning memories
by lier
Summary: The butterflies in my stomach that I couldn’t get rid of, the unhealthy speed of my heart at every touch, the insane heat running through my body when we kissed cheeks, the way my mouth became dry whenever she pressed her forehead against mine. SPASHLEY.
1. Intro

I turned around and tried to fall asleep… but I couldn't, not with her so close to me. I completely gave up in my attempts of getting some rest when she also turned around and passed her arm around my waist, pressing further into me, with her warm breath against my neck.

It was too much for me to take and I didn't quite understand why. The butterflies in my stomach that I couldn't get rid of, the unhealthy speed of my heart at every touch, the insane heat running through my body when we kissed cheeks, the way my mouth became dry whenever she pressed her forehead against mine. It was too much for me to understand.

It took me some while to find out what all those emotions meant; still I wanted them to be just something that would pass by, something temporary. So I chose to believe it was just a whim and it wasn't going to last. But that night when I was wide awake, so aware of her hot breath against my neck, I knew I was just fooling myself.

"Sweet dreams, Spenchey" her warm lips brushed against the back of my neck. A tear escaped my eye and rolled down my cheek, a tear that meant I didn't want to be in my skin anymore, a tear that held my complete sadness, a tear that wash away all the lies I've been telling myself. A tear that cleared all for me.

I was deeply in love with my long life best friend…and she loved me of course I knew that but there's a big difference between love and being in love, and she was not in love with me.

A few more tears formed in my eyes.

"Sweet dreams, Ashie"

My voice trembling, along with falling tears and a grasp that only holds me tighter.

**A|N. so yeah, I know is very short, but is more like an intro because I'm plannig on continue this story I have some ideas that might work. and if you find bad grammar or something than I apologize, cause inglish is my second idiom...not first, hahaha so seriously if you could help me with my suking grammar that would be great. oh and please please review, I want to know what you think of this story, well I will live you now, have to go and eat lunch ^_^ bye!**


	2. Stwangers

**Italics are flashbacks.

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_"Mom" I cried out._

_"MOM" I turned around with my eyes filled with tears as I pointed the ice cream I had just drop because stupid Aiden had just managed to scare me when he jump screaming in front of me. MY mom is too caught up chasing Glen around to even acknowledge my existence,and glen is by the way once again pulling the pony tails of the little girls in the park._

_"Why awe you crying?"_

_I look up from my chocolate ice cream in the ground to a girl with curly hair split in two pony tails and chocolate eyes, and she keeps watching me with a sad expression. I just point my finger to where the ice cream is melting._

_"OH!" the two pony tail girl said as I just keep with my frenzy crying and Aiden keeps laughing his ass off._

_"Oh no, don't cwy!! Hewe have a cookie" the strange girl held her hand with a huge chocolate chip and I sniffle a couple times before can finally mumble some words._

_"My mommy says not to accept things fwom stwangers"_

_Now the strange girl Is giving me a look of confusion and I keep sniffling for my chocolate ice cream._

_"My mommy doesn't say that" Aiden says while eyeing the cookie the girl still has in her hand. She just gives him a quick glance and opens her mouth._

_"Who awe you?"_

_"I'm Aiden. And I accept things fwom stwangers cause my mommy never tells me not to, like Spwencer's mommy says" the stranger with a still confused look just gives him a simple "oh!" before turning back to me._

_"So you awe Spwencer?"_

_Sniffle "yes" sniffle._

_"Well, Spwencer. My name's not stwanger… my name's Ashy"_

_Sniffle "hel… hello, Ashy" sniffle._

_The strange girl… no, wait. Ashy, keeps staring at me with an amused look._

_"Take the cookie, I'm no stwanger… I'm Ashy" she keeps pushing me to grab the deliciously good looking cookie. I hesitate before reaching out for the huge cookie that her hand holds and when I finally have it in both of my hands I can't stop to wonder how she managed to hold it in just one, cause is too big for just doing that._

_"Thank you Ashy" I say between fading sobs._

_"Hey…. I want me a cookie too" Aiden starts to complain and Ashy just looks at him a little annoyed._

_"Mmm…. I dun no" that's enough to bring him sad._

_"Why?"_

_"You wewe laughing at Spwencer when I got hewe…and that's mean, and I don't like mean people" and that's enough to make my lips curve up in an immense smile. Ha ha, he totally deserves it._

_"I don't do it again, I promise" he looks at her with his best puppy eyes. No one can resist his big green eyes… but I hope she does, because he made me feel very bad for my now completely melt ice cream._

_"Ok" awww…that's not fair, I knew no one could resist his puppy eyes. "But just because you promised" I know that's no truth, she's just giving him a cookie because she liked his eyes, everyone always say he has the most amazing eyes they've ever seen. I feel my lips going down and pressing into a thin line, completely losing my smile._

_After giving him a cookie smaller than mine, she turned around to face me once again._

_"I like your eyes Spenchy, they awe blue" she points out staring at my eyes. That gets the smile coming immediately back to my face._

_"I'm no Spenchy, I'm Spwencer" I tell her trying to sound older, as if I didn't have only five years._

_"I know, but Spenchy is more easy to say than Spwen-whatever your name is" now, that's how I wanted to sound._

"Earth down to Spencer"

I shake my head as if that could get me out of the memories of our first day together. Tuning my mind to the present and changing my floor view to Aiden view who is snapping his finger in front of my face.

"Oh! Sorry" I say while I turn my head to see my family and some friends chatting around. I look to all the blooms and party stuff decorating my house, I look down to the table where the cake is resting with a 1 and a 7 on it, next to it are the presents they had all bought for me.

I averted my eyes to where the door is now opening and she comes in. bringing me the best gift I can ever dream of… her presence.

She immediately spots me sitting next to Aiden in the big sofa and she starts to walk over at us. She stops in front of me and hands the present she had with herself to Aiden and gestures me to stand up, which I do without a second thought and she embraces me, with one arm around my waist and her other hand cupping my right cheek. She gently puts a warm kiss in my other cheek and I instantly get goose bumps all over my body. She leans in a little closer and whispers a sweet and tender "happy birthday" right into my ear, making me feel the same butterflies that I've been feeling a little more than a year now.

She is all I need to be happy. If you want to give me the perfect present than just bring Ashley with a ribbon upon her head…In fact you don't even have to bother in putting her one, as long as you bring her is good enough for me.


	3. Shiny armor

**Disclaimer:** I don't own SON… but I would trade my lunch for Spashley… guess that's no happening, right? Well, anyways I much rather not to starve!!

**Chapter 3. Shiny armor.**

I'm sitting in my bed, staring at the present she had brought for me. I don't even want to unwrapped it because the wrapping looks way too pretty, but after finally convincing myself that is's stupid to not open it I start taking the ribbon it has and slowly torn the paper. I start to wonder what book she might bought me cause it looks like one, but when I finally take of all the covering paper I can't help but to let my eyes shed a couple of tears. "Oh! Ash!" I silently whisper while shifting my eyes to the front of my bed where she was standing, carefully expecting my reaction at her heart warming present.

"So I'll take that you like it, right?"She responds to me, wearing the smile that makes me melt every time. "How can I not like it? It's the most amazing gift someone has ever given m… in fact you're the only one who always gives me the perfect present each and every one of my birthdays…"I quietly say to her, her eyes never living mine.

I look down at the photo album I still hold between my hands. It's not a regular album you buy and just fill it whit pictures; no. it's a home made album, I can tell because all the pages are black and they seem to be cardboard and also by all the notes written with white pen below every picture as if telling a story in every picture. I can see pictures of me from when I was six, seven, eight, nine ten years and so it goes. Pictures of me, her, Aiden and my family, but in almost every photo there's she. She has been there with me through all my life; she has been the biggest part of my life so it really isn't strange that she appears in almost all of the pictures. In fact is very weird to see us one without the other, we are a package deal that's for sure, and it seems everyone is aware of that.

"_Today is our first day of kinder garden and despite all the crying and fight we put out to our mothers to not let us in here… well they did it anyway. So now we're here completely terrified of the big and fat kid who is picking at his nose and even more terrified of the mean looking lady who told us to be good and that she would be the one who took care of us after our mommies left… I don't know why but I don't trust her and I can tell Ashley doesn't either by the way she's holding my hand tighter. As the mean looking lady tells us to find a spot in the classroom to take the nap Ashley takes me by the hand and leads me to a good and comfy corner wich I like pretty much except for a little detail, the only bad thing in that location is the boy near there. Yeah, the kid who has been sending kisses to Ashley with his hand and winking his eyes to her… even at our tender age and she already had pretenders and I can already feel how I don't like him… I think he's ugly and stupid and…and… I don't know why but I kind of feel I hate him… besides he's all dirty and just ewww!! He shouldn't be sending kisses with his dity hands, EW! I decided to call him ew-boy._

_We're about to lay down when the ew-boy comes walking in a very slow pace and his eyes shine with something that makes him look dumb… not as if I thought he was smart anyways. _

_Muah!_

_Oh NOO!! He just put his sloppy, ugly and stupid lips on Ashley cheek and I'm feeling dizzy.''You wanna merry me when we grow up?''The ew-boy asks her expectantly and ugh, now I think I might piuck the Pb&J sandwich and the apple I ate earlier in our snack hour. ''No'' the word forms in her lips loud and clear and I start gaining some composure back. ''But why not? '' he looks at her as if she just had crushed his little and pathetic heart along with his biggest dream ever, and in some way I think she really did both. ''because when I'm big I'm gonna marry Spenchy'' she then turns around with a graceful smile on her face, nose wrinkling ''would you marry me when we are big?'' the smile doesn't take a second to form in my lips when I shout a loud YES full of confidence to her, because I know that if I live with Ashley for the rest of my life nothing will ever scare me, because I'm so positive that she will fight against the bogeyman and the monsters under my bed and the ones hidden inside the closet and the rest of ugly things out there. She makes me feel so secure and protected, that's why I want to keep her with me, if not then who's gonna keep the monsters away??!!'' _

_With this positive thought in my 6 year old mind I go and lay down on the floor next to Ashley, next to the little girl in shiny armor. _

''hey, Spence''

''hu?''

''you really have to stop spacing out on me…''

''oh yeah! I'm sorry, just walking down memory lane'' I quietly confess to her, hoping she doesn't figure out what I was really thinking. ''don't worry. Sooo… I remember that day'' she returns just as quietly as my confession ''what day?'' I play dumb… not knowing even why I'm doing it. ''first day of kinder garden with ew-boy and that old lady who looked ready to feed us until we were fat enough for her to eat us'' I can't help to laugh at that comment cause really that was exactly what I thought of that so bad called teacher. When I stop laughing my ass out she continues '' you know? I was really scared that day, but you were there so it was easier… and the sandbox was so cool that I just couldn't feel scared anymore'' she slightly jokes. '' wait… are you seriously saying the sandbox was cooler than me?'' I ask now playing my roll of offended. She mockingly smiles at me and her eyes open wide ''how could you not know the answer? Of course the sandbox was and STILL is way cooler than you!''.

She so likes to mess with me. ''ha ha ha, such a funny girl you are'' I say sarcastically. ''c'mon now Spenchy… don't be like that!'' she gets closer to me and her chocolate eyes find mine and that's definetly not helping my breathing, in fact I think I just stopped breathing and I'm aware of my heart beating faster and harder, I just hope she doesn't get to hear its frantic and erratic beating.

And then, somehow in a moment I didn't catch, her face is against mine, cheek against each other cheek and her hot breath is on my ear and I still can't breathe and I can't think and I can't speak, all I can possibly do is let myself loose in the moment. ''you know you always make me feel better… even if I feel like jumping off of a bridge or hang myself you always make me feel protected and happy'' she so deliciously whispers right into my ear ''cause you Spenchy, you are my saving grace'' I shiver at every single word she's delivering me. And I just think is a little ironic how not even five minutes ago I was thinking of her in a white horse and shiny armor.

We stay up late watching the photos untill tirednees wins us and we go to bed, she sleeping peacefully and me still hearing those warm words echo on my mind.


	4. Self promises

**A/N**: so yeah I know it´s been a long time but here I am, back with a new chapter. It´s a little longer than the others, so enjoy!! Oh and by the way, guess who´s 18 years old now.... MEEE!!! It´s great, I´m no longer an underage!!! YAY for me!!!.... well enough rambling.... back to the story! Hope you like it.

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**Chapter 4. Self promises. **

I'm very comfy in my bed and about to drift in a very peaceful dream after been struggling with myself about all that concerns Ashley and the very weird but warn friendship we share, and as I roll over to the side of the bed where she usually sleeps I wonder why she isn't here tonight, why she isn't here when we were supposed to be lying just watching movie after movie in our regular Friday movie night or just resting after spent the night dancing and laughing at all the pathetic attempts of the jocks to get us into bed with them. I wonder why her presence is so addictive to me and I inhale deeply at her essence which is all over my pillow… well her pillow really because I use her body like mine.

And just like that I'm once again tossing and turning endlessly on my bed.

While I wait for sleep to finally claim my name I let myself go back to one of the weird nights where she wasn't here… one of the weird nights like this one.

_Ashley is unstoppable crying and I can't touch her or talk to her and I am confuse as to why I can't seem to do anything to make her happy, to make her better, to make her tell me why she's crying so badly. I am desperately trying to brake this glass that's keeping me away from her and I don't even understand why it's there on the first place, I just know I'm angrily hitting it with my close fists, hopping and prying to just break it down so I can comfort Ashley. _

_Right then I wake up, to find there's no Ashley crying and no unbreakable glass that kept me away from her. Thankfully I was just having a bad dream… a really bad one. I think I'm just stress out because she isn't here sleeping next to me, it's weird. I'm not really use to not having her around, but I'm so__exhausted__ I just shake my head to stop thinking and go back to sleep._

_I can't even close my eyes when I'm immediately distracted by my phone, when I recognize the song of My immortal from evanescence… I know is Ashley, that's her ringtone. I don't even wait a second to throw myself out of the bed and go get my phone, worry that something bad might have happened to her… especially for that awful nightmare I had a few moments ago. I grab my phone that's on my desk, next to a photo of Ashley and me and flip it open._

''_Ashley. You ok?!'' I asked her and I'm aware that my voice is full of concern. ''No…'' she answers, her voice cracking a little with that single word "I need you with me" and I know something must be extremely wrong to make her brake down like I'm so sure she is about to do. _

''_I'll be right there'' I tell her as I grab the spare keys of glen's car and open my bedroom window, so I can climb down the tree that's right out there… I am so thankful for that tree; really, it's been used by me and her for many years now and my parents have no clue about it. I think that if my mom knew she would cut it down. As I make my way down I can feel one of the branches slapping my left cheek but I don't put attention to it, I'm more focus on Ashley. _

_When I finally get down I run to the car. In less than ten minutes I pull over at Ashley's house and make another run to her front door and when I get there I don't know if I should knock or go over at the side of her room and throw little rocks at her window but before I can finish my line of thoughts I see the door starts to open and I'm met with her beautiful brown eyes and in any other circumstance I would have a huge smile in my face for such an amazing view, the view that is her. But right here, right now I can't help but to let my heart break and shatter a little at the scene I have in front of me. _

_She's just there shaking and letting her eyes produce a significant amount of tears, the sight of it makes me immediately take her in my arms, holding her so close to me that I can feel her heart biting angrily against my concern heart. ''Ash, what's wrong? What happened?'' my voice sounds heavy with worry. "c'mon let's go to my bedroom. I'll tell you everything when we are there.'' She says with a weary and tired voice._

_When we get to her bedroom, she takes me by the hand and leads me to her soft king size bed. When we sit she doesn't let go of my hand instead she sweetly strokes it with her soft hands. "Ash, c'mon you have to tell me what's going on. I'm really starting to freak out'' I make sure to not mention that I'm already freaked out. '' ok… I know it's not something to be surprise for. I could see it coming since a long time ago'' she talks to me with her head looking down to the wood floor of her bedroom and I feel more confused than I was before.'' sorry, what?'' I asked her, trying once more to figure out what the hell is happening in this strange night. "My parents are having a divorce'' she simply tells me and really it's something strange because like her, I did see it coming too but I never really thought it would become real… or at least I didn't see it coming so fast, well that's not the right word, maybe I just didn't think Christine would actually do it, cause everyone knows she wants to keep a wealthy life and Lord knows she can't do that by herself. It was obvious her parents were having problems and that's putting it in a nice way. They really didn't talk to each other for a period of five years and the few and strange times they did it was always to tell the other insults or to fuck up. I'm out of words so I just hold her close making sure to provide her with plenty of my warn._

"_Like I said, it's not something to be surprise for… but is kind of sad, you know? Because, there was a time when we were all happy together. We used to do short trips when my dad ended his tours and we would be so happy to have him back at home and ready to go to the beach or the mountains or wherever we wanted. And then just out of the blew they started to have this awful fights… ok, maybe not out of the blew, but still it wasn't pretty'' I know what she's talking about and I also know their fights didn't start out of the blew. _

_I know Mr. Davies have had another daughter out of his marry life and somehow his wife accept it. But when the mother of Kyla died five years ago he had to bring her home with them, making a huge impact in their lives, well in Christine's life at least. She didn't like it one bit the fact that she was obligated to share her life and her husband's fortune with another person and I wasn't surprise, after all I think I always knew she was a selfish bitch. Ashley in the other hand clicked with Kyla almost instantly and seeing how her parents just put her aside like an old piece of clothing I was glad she didn't take it on Kyla, that's how I know she didn't mention her half sister to be the reason for her parents' divorce… after all, it really wasn't her fault. _

"_Ash, I'm so sorry… I… I don't know what to say'' I tell her truthfully but also feeling like crap at the thought of how useless I am. "don't worry, I just need you to be here with me, you don't have to say anything… just stay here with me tonight'' she says looking in my eyes and I think I'm going to faint for the intensity of her gaze. Then her hand comes dangerously close to my face and I can't help but to let my eyes close at the contact of her soft and warn hands with my left cheek, I think I'm about to let out a sigh when I hear her preoccupied voice '' Spence, you're bleeding, what happened to you?'' _

_I take a moment to process what she just said. Oh yeah! ''I was worry about you so I climb down the tree that's next to my room, I didn't want my parents to catch me getting out of the house… because, well you know how they got the last time I went out without their permission… so one of the stupid branches of the tree must have done that to my face'' for a moment I believed I was just thinking that but apparently I said it out loud and by the time I realize my mouth was moving and making sounds I just end up rambling and now she's looking me all apologetics as she says "Spence I'm so sorry I didn't want you to rush out of your house almost getting yourself killed in the process" and now that I think about it, maybe I really did get almost kill, but not by some random tree but for who knows how many traffic laws I must have broken to get here so fast, I don't even remember the ride here. This are the things that I remember: awful dream, phone call, me playing Tarzan as I climbed down the tree, getting in the car… ummm, and then it's all black until I'm deciding whether to ring the bell or brake Ashley's window. _

''_It's nothing. I know I can't die from lack of blood in my cheek…right?'' I ask her really stupidly preoccupied earning a laugh and some little giggles from her, and I think that maybe I can make her feel better with all this situation, even if I don't have the right words to comfort her, even if all I can do is lame jokes. _

_And then it's all silent, so comfortable silent. We easily fall into our comfort zone because we don't even have to be talking, filling the spaces of silence with no usable words. Because this is how it goes for us. We feel so comfortable with each other that there's no need for those things in our relationship…or friendship is what I must really say, being more accurate to be described as that and nothing else._

_She slowly starts to shift in the bed, placing her head on my lap and I can't stop the hand that is making its way towards her hair, knowing I won't make her uncomfortable because we are in one of those ''closer than normal friendships'' and always had been. But the bold move that it really isn't that bold but it happens to be just to me because of the way I now think of her –the wrong and inappropriate ways- feels so uncomfortable to me, so foreign. And I know why I feel it like that, I know it must feel weird because I have never touched someone before with all the emotion and heavy feelings I'm touching her, even if she doesn't notice, even if she doesn't seem to become aware of the feelings that lie within my heart, within my soul, within my whole been._

_She sighs contently at the touch completely oblivious of the thoughts and feelings she incites in me with the simple action, letting her hot breath grace my thigh, making me feel goose bumps all over my arms and in the back of my neck._

''_I don't want to end like them you know?'' she says to me softly. Somehow I know she has more to say so I let her speak without interrupting. ''I don't want to be as shallow as they were, they claimed they loved each other but guess what? It was never true; it was always just a charade. Speaking those three words only as something to say for routine but not because they really meant it. I won't ever do that… I will only say those words to the person I really care about, to the person I really need the urge to tell them. Not to someone just because of compromise, not because I feel obligate to… but because I really do feel it.'' _

_And I know she is going to stick to that promise that she's making, mostly to herself than to anyone else. I completely agree with her words, I don't want to end like that… I don't want to lie to another person only because I'm suppose to say I love them though I really don't feel that way. So I quietly promise myself the same thing. I wrap my arms around her making a cocoon out of my body for her to keep her warn and protected, completely reversing our normal rolls. _

_I open my mouth to voice my agreement with her but I close it back when I see her soft and sweet lips move again. I let her speak ''I love you, Spencer''. And it takes me by surprise but I can feel she really means it and now more than ever especially because of her earlier words. I just stare at her and she shifts her body to look at me ''I really do love you'' she tells me with the sweetest raspiest voice I've ever heard. ''I know… I really love you too'' I tell her honestly. But I can't avoid feel my heart sinking a little because I'm thinking that her words aren't as load as mine are; they don't imply the same thing. Ones are full of pure friendship care and the others are full of more than friendship care. But I know she really means it and that's all that matters to me._

When I finally pull myself out of the memory I feel something strange in my core. And is not the usual pain that goes through my body every time I look back at those intense memories, the ones that seem very intimate even to a couple of old friends, the ones that make me think we are not your average best friends.

So I grab my phone and call her, praying and hoping nothing bad is happening to her. After four rings she finally picks up. ''Spence, are you all right?'' she says a little preoccupied but I'm happy to hear her. ''Yes, and you? I was wondering why you're not here'' I ask her same as preoccupied. ''Oh! Don't worry I'm fine. Just had something to do, I'll tell you all tomorrow at school, Kay?'' I stay quiet for a little while "Spence?'' oh! Yeah I have to talk I completely forgot about it. ''Yeah, ok. Tomorrow'' I can hear my voice dripping the disappointment and I curse myself for not being able to hide it, I've been slipping a lot this days. I always make sure to keep my feelings to myself, since one particular day when I almost blew everything out, since I almost told her I couldn't be just her friend anymore… but somehow I managed to stay quiet. Since that day I've been very careful. But here I am, slipping and tripping over the control of my emotions, letting show my all very wrong feelings.

''Ok, see you tomorrow. Sweet dreams, Spenchy!'' she tells me sweetly and I'm melting. ''sweet dreams, Ashy'' she hangs up.

But even now that I know she's fine the strange feeling doesn't go away; it almost feels like one of those bad hunches. From the ones you can tell something awful is going to happened although you don't know what it exactly is. That's how I feel right in these moments and it makes me anxious, it makes me scare.

I slowly start to close my heavy eyes, finally giving my incessant wondering mind the opportunity to have some rest before I have to get up and get ready to school, but most of all get ready to see her gorgeous face and stunning smile again…

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**A/N:** I really hope you liked this chapter, and hope you´re still interested with this story! And among all the things I hope, I also hope you review! XD


	5. I'm back!

People! Believe it or not I'm back and more than willing to finish Burning Memories. Hope you don't have the urge to kill me for being away for three years. I'm so sorry, seriously, I just had to deal with some stuff and college was taking all my time. I know that's not enough to justify y absence but, I just wasn't feeling like I could continue. But now, right at this moment in my life I feel like I can go on with this and hopefully I've become a better writer than what I used to be. Forgive me, yes?


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